It’s Better To Stand Up Against It.

Largely, it has been assumed that sexual harassment happens only to women.

But according to a survey conducted by the Association of Women for Action and Research (AWARE), 79% of the victims were women and 21% were men.

This issue isn’t restricted to any gender, community, type of workplace or any other basis. It is prevalent everywhere and needs to be considered for the safety of every individual going out of their homes to work.

Let’s #StandUp against #SexualHarassment


#Webinar – You too? #MeToo: Workplace Power Imbalance by

Dr. Buddy Thornton

Webinar Details:
Duration: 1 hour
Date: 5th April 2018
Time: 10:30 am PST to 11:30am PST
Register till 31st March 2018 to enjoy early bird discount
Registration & Webinar Details:

#metoo webinar on April 5th, 2018 “Workplace Power Imbalance”

The issue of workplace conflict has become a viral issue for contemporary society. At no point in our history have victims stepped forward in these numbers. On the one hand, it is awe-inspiring to see the empowerment being exhibited. On the other, conflict management professionals need to ramp up and support the burgeoning number of people in need of our vital competencies.

Join us for a webinar exploring this explosive subject. April 5th, 2018. For more info, go to:


See everyone there!

Complimentary Schismogenesis-Creation of Reactive Division in Dyadic Exchanges

Complimentary Schismogenesis (CS) is usually used to explain a conversational effect. Imagine you culturally fill all periods of silence with a remark, something very typical of the northeastern United States. If you finish speaking and no one joins in immediately, cognitive dissonance prompts you to fill the silence. In many Eastern cultures, participants respect the silence between statements as thoughtful reflection. When Westerners attempt to fill this gap, eastern participants perceive rudeness. The more one speaks, the more the other party refrains, creating the awkwardness of Complimentary Schismogenesis.

Another way CS is expressed is in conversational volume. When a person from a louder, more vocal culture blows through a conversation, someone who culturally projects a quieter countenance is often taken aback and may even avoid further engagement. The avoidance reaction often creates emergent conflict due to the differing styles of normal engagement.

CS is a behavioral obstacle to understand if one works in multi- or cross-cultural environments. Your norm is not everyone’s norm. When exploring CS, it is possible to discern the effect within everyday conflict as well.

During my bowling career, competitors offered opportunities to bend the elbow with an adult beverage they purchased. I haven’t consumed alcohol for over 40 years, so I usually declined out of habit. Most of the time this was acceptable, but some competitors took this as refusing to be sociable, which led to conflict. The more I insisted it was my nature to remain sober, the angrier these people became. Research suggests this is an obvious externalization of CS in play.

To reiterate, when language, cultural differences, habitual norms, or expectations become exaggerated in dyadic exchanges, the result is CS. The misunderstood behaviors can explode and push otherwise reasonable people into solitary dances of reactionary opposition.

A related projection of CS creates differences in comfort zones. When someone prefers to lean in during a conversation encounters someone more comfortable with more space between participants, CS rapidly emerges. One moves closer while the other dances away. This form of CS is foundational to the science of Proxemics, the study of how people use space within their sphere of influence.

Parenting Question Asked Today

“Why is it when I talk to my parents about my life they make it about my sister, compare me to her, and hurt me so deeply?”

Buddy’s Point to Ponder:

One constant problem parents project to their children is the one you describe. Comparison creates controversy leading to conflict. Many points apply here. As a father of four who is also a great-grandfather already, I think some practical reason should work here.

One, there is NO better or worse, only different. Goodness knows my children ended up on all four points of the compass. I thank the good Lord for that reality daily.

Two, Choice Theory shows us we control only one person, ourselves. Parents are horrible at understanding that. They typically stack comparison on top of expectations (their expectations). You only answer to one person-yourself.

Three, parents constantly but subconsciously rate their parenting on their children’s accomplishments. Note to all parents. That is “Stupidity” personified. Worry about your world and your accomplishments. Love and support unconditionally, otherwise a concept called complimentary schismogenesis will creep into your world. This concept says the more you push someone one way, the harder they will go down a different path. Try exhibiting some curiosity about each child as an individual and support their choices. That is REAL parenting.

Tell them they are causing you this level of pain. Tell them you love them, but you are going to follow your heart, and they should support that and stop comparing, which is very disruptive to family dynamics in general. If all else fails, ignore them and seek activities that allow you to grow as a confident, self-directed person who embraces competing with only your self and your goals. Blessings on your journey, and all the luck.

For more on parenting dynamics, contact buddy at for access to parenting dynamics classes.

Attributes of a Good Mediator

There is no formula for figuring out who the “best” mediators are – there is no governing body that determines minimal qualifications for a professional mediator. Even if there were, education and training don’t guarantee competence, because a “good” mediator also possesses certain internal attributes that aren’t necessarily learned in a classroom. They just simply can’t be learned in a classroom. They are internal traits which are either inherent or learnt from one’s own environment.
This article lists external and internal attributes that the most effective mediators possess.

External attributes

Mediators in the United States are not required to meet a uniform standard of education or training for beginning to practice mediation; each state has its own requirements, or, in many cases, none at all. It depends from situation to situation and place to place.
For this reason, it can be difficult to evaluate the qualifications of a potential mediator. We recommend paying particular attention to the following external attributes of mediators you are considering to hire:


How much training has the mediator received?

Was any of the training specific to a certain area of practice (e.g., family, landlord/tenant)?

How recently was the mediator trained? Do they attend refresher courses and keep up on current mediation techniques?

Where was the training conducted?

Does the mediator have a degree in dispute resolution or a related field? If so, from where (e.g. online, law school, university)?

These questions do held relevance, even though just a degree is not enough to know the competence of a mediator.

Certified or certificated? (If required in your state)

Is the mediator actually certified or certificated?

What organization issued the certificate?

What are the requirements of that certificate?

When was the certificate earned?

This will let you know the ‘value’ of you mediator, and will give you a fair abour his or her skills.


For how long has this mediator been in practice? Full-time or part-time?

How many mediations has this mediator conducted, and how many were similar to yours?

Does this mediator specialize in the area of your particular dispute?

This one is important. More the experience, more the tact. Experienced mediators often have higher success rates than the ones who are not that experienced.

Professional memberships

Does this mediator belong to an organization requiring adherence to certain standards?

Does this mediator serve on the board of any relevant organizations?

This again gives an idea about the standing and influence of a mediator.

Philosophy and approach

What philosophy does this mediator apply to their work? Do they describe their work as facilitative, transformative, and/or evaluative? Take note of how the mediator describes their process, then consider what that would look like when applied to your case.

What kind of interaction with disputants does the mediator like to have?


Are fees charged by the session, by the hour, by the case?

What is included in these fees?

This one is also  important and should be decided beforehand so there are no disputes about it afterwards.

Internal attributes

What about the things that can’t be listed on a profile page? There are five ways to know about the competency skills which cannot be presented on the paper:


Effective mediators are able to quickly identify relevant information. They ask questions to gain an understanding of both the facts of the case and of parties’ underlying interests and motivations. This investigation helps them in understanding and resolving the case.


Mediators should handle the knowledge of parties’ underlying interests with empathy and consideration. They are willing to ask emotionally difficult questions and do so in an unbiased and respectful manner. A non empathic mediator has lower success rates.

Inventive and problem-solving

Effective mediators help disputants discover common ground and guide them toward mutual understanding from there; they are willing to be inventive with unusual situations. This will help you reach faster to a resolution.

Effective presenter

Verbal expressions, gestures, and eye contact are consistently and effectively used by good mediators to structure an environment in which disputants are willing to re-examine their positions. They maintain a safe and relatively calm atmosphere with confidence and communicative body language.

Capably manages interactions

Mediators should keep the parties on track and working toward the issues they have identified as central to their conflict, and call for breaks or private caucuses when needed. A good mediator knows when allowing tension to rise will be productive and when to effectively defuse tension. These tactics must demonstrate sensitivity to the disputants’ needs (e.g., emotional, cultural) and remain neutral.

After the mediation

After you select your mediator – and hopefully, settle your case – it’s time to help others consider this mediator for their own cases. A testimonial and/or recommendation of your mediator provides vital information for other people in conflict, particularly about the mediator’s internal attributes that can’t be seen on a profile page.
Additionally, a testimonial helps to spread the word that mediation is a quick, confidential, and cost-effective way to settle disputes out of court. A mediator should be selected very carefully and in no haste.

Buddy’s Point to Ponder

Knowledge is the one acquisition that can never be stolen or destroyed. However, it can become irrelevant or obsolete. The truest value of acquiring knowledge, therefore, is not the knowledge itself but acquiring an understanding of how to evolve through an ever-present pursuit of relevance when one attains new knowledge.

Is there any #SafeCity ?

The United Nations General Recommendation 19 to the Convention on the Elimination of all Forms of Discrimination against Women defines sexual harassment of women to include:
“such unwelcome sexually determined behaviour as physical contact and advances, sexually coloured remarks, showing pornography and sexual demands, whether by words or actions. Such conduct can be humiliating and may constitute a health and safety problem; it is discriminatory when the woman has reasonable ground to believe that her objection would disadvantage her in connection with her employment, including recruitment or promotion, or when it creates a hostile working environment.”

Even after the passing of several laws, there is still no place that can fully justify the definition of “safe”. Most of the laws are not gender neutral. Even after the implementation of laws, crimes continue to be committed. In today’s world, no person is safe even in the boundaries of their own place called home. Sexual harassment is not a crime that is limited to the office space or the roads. In many, and that means an extremely large number, of cases, the person harassing the victim is a family member or a relative. Women are harassed by their own husbands, daughters by their own fathers, sons by their own uncles. This is merely the start, the list goes on and on, and continues proving itself to get more horrific.

After the pressing of sexual harassment charges against the powerful Hollywood film producer, Harvey Weinstein, women from different parts of the world came forward to narrate their own stories of harassment. This included famous stars and normal middle-class people.

Let’s #StandUp against #SexualHarassment


#Webinar – You too? #MeToo: Workplace Power Imbalance by

Dr. Buddy Thornton

Webinar Details:
Duration: 1 hour
Date: 5th April 2018
Time: 10:30 am PST to 11:30am PST
Register till 31st March 2018 to enjoy early bird discount
Registration & Webinar Details:

Buddy’s Point to Ponder

I was asked about how to get beyond failure. My answer was, “I never try.” I embrace failure. It teaches me to strive for perfection and avoid that pain. But, it is important to experience that pain so you know WHY you want to strive to be the best you can at all times. Anyone can say they want to be the “GOAT” (greatest of all time) but the truth is they want to compete and must hate losing enough to fight through every barrier on their way to the top. Determination and fight win more often that unchallenged skill.

I teach success is achieved by learning something and doing it right, not just once, but enough times to ensure you never get it wrong. That is when you are on top!