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In response to a student’s question about the “norm” of judging others in contemporary society:

Judge Not-When anyone judges another to be unworthy, he places himself at the right hand of God. No man, be he a king, a doctor, an attorney, a peace officer, or any secular title which could be used here, has the right to place himself as better than another. Regardless of what faith or religion (or lack of), humans are universally different from one another, not better, and not worse.

Socioeconomic stratification is the result of many factors, but one is not an inherent quality of being. Contemporary man has the unfortunate habit of comparison, the most contemptible form of judging another, which leads to jealousy at many levels and coveting, one of the most egregious sins. The only valid comparison is to one’s self. “Am I better than yesterday? Can I strive to be better tomorrow? Does my comprehension of ‘better’ align with being as good and virtuous as humanly possible, knowing I am prone to human error in my actions?”

“Live not to the expectations of others, but to the attainment of the best ‘self’ possible based on where you were, where you are, and where you could hope to be, without violating the ‘being’ of another.”

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#metoo webinar on April 5th, 2018 “Workplace Power Imbalance”

The issue of workplace conflict has become a viral issue for contemporary society. At no point in our history have victims stepped forward in these numbers. On the one hand, it is awe-inspiring to see the empowerment being exhibited. On the other, conflict management professionals need to ramp up and support the burgeoning number of people in need of our vital competencies.

Join us for a webinar exploring this explosive subject. April 5th, 2018. For more info, go to:


See everyone there!

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Complimentary Schismogenesis-Creation of Reactive Division in Dyadic Exchanges

Complimentary Schismogenesis (CS) is usually used to explain a conversational effect. Imagine you culturally fill all periods of silence with a remark, something very typical of the northeastern United States. If you finish speaking and no one joins in immediately, cognitive dissonance prompts you to fill the silence. In many Eastern cultures, participants respect the silence between statements as thoughtful reflection. When Westerners attempt to fill this gap, eastern participants perceive rudeness. The more one speaks, the more the other party refrains, creating the awkwardness of Complimentary Schismogenesis.

Another way CS is expressed is in conversational volume. When a person from a louder, more vocal culture blows through a conversation, someone who culturally projects a quieter countenance is often taken aback and may even avoid further engagement. The avoidance reaction often creates emergent conflict due to the differing styles of normal engagement.

CS is a behavioral obstacle to understand if one works in multi- or cross-cultural environments. Your norm is not everyone’s norm. When exploring CS, it is possible to discern the effect within everyday conflict as well.

During my bowling career, competitors offered opportunities to bend the elbow with an adult beverage they purchased. I haven’t consumed alcohol for over 40 years, so I usually declined out of habit. Most of the time this was acceptable, but some competitors took this as refusing to be sociable, which led to conflict. The more I insisted it was my nature to remain sober, the angrier these people became. Research suggests this is an obvious externalization of CS in play.

To reiterate, when language, cultural differences, habitual norms, or expectations become exaggerated in dyadic exchanges, the result is CS. The misunderstood behaviors can explode and push otherwise reasonable people into solitary dances of reactionary opposition.

A related projection of CS creates differences in comfort zones. When someone prefers to lean in during a conversation encounters someone more comfortable with more space between participants, CS rapidly emerges. One moves closer while the other dances away. This form of CS is foundational to the science of Proxemics, the study of how people use space within their sphere of influence.

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Parenting Question Asked Today

“Why is it when I talk to my parents about my life they make it about my sister, compare me to her, and hurt me so deeply?”

Buddy’s Point to Ponder:

One constant problem parents project to their children is the one you describe. Comparison creates controversy leading to conflict. Many points apply here. As a father of four who is also a great-grandfather already, I think some practical reason should work here.

One, there is NO better or worse, only different. Goodness knows my children ended up on all four points of the compass. I thank the good Lord for that reality daily.

Two, Choice Theory shows us we control only one person, ourselves. Parents are horrible at understanding that. They typically stack comparison on top of expectations (their expectations). You only answer to one person-yourself.

Three, parents constantly but subconsciously rate their parenting on their children’s accomplishments. Note to all parents. That is “Stupidity” personified. Worry about your world and your accomplishments. Love and support unconditionally, otherwise a concept called complimentary schismogenesis will creep into your world. This concept says the more you push someone one way, the harder they will go down a different path. Try exhibiting some curiosity about each child as an individual and support their choices. That is REAL parenting.

Tell them they are causing you this level of pain. Tell them you love them, but you are going to follow your heart, and they should support that and stop comparing, which is very disruptive to family dynamics in general. If all else fails, ignore them and seek activities that allow you to grow as a confident, self-directed person who embraces competing with only your self and your goals. Blessings on your journey, and all the luck.

For more on parenting dynamics, contact buddy at for access to parenting dynamics classes.