Do you know the difference? One is making a conscious decision to interact with another, get to know their thoughts, who they are, in a respectful way that both enjoy. The other is feeling entitled to the time of another, regardless if said person is busy, not interested or in a private conversation.
A good example happened to a friend of mine. He was in a quiet conversation to the side with another coworker only for an acquaintance to approach them without saying anything. They politely tell him that they are in an (obvious) conversation, yet the imposing man states his full awareness of that and says he is curious, so it is okay for him to be there. After politely telling the imposer again, he still refused to leave. In fact, he chose to repeat everything he had already heard, expecting them to share in their private conversation. When is this acceptable? Think to yourselves about this.
Approaching another to learn from them, or tell them something that they can learn from is amazing and what makes the best interactions. Approaches can be genuine, without a hidden agenda, and an understanding on both ends that they can share (or not share) as much as they would like or nothing at all. That is respect and a two way street.
Imposing on another with a false sense of entitlement leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouth; the two coworkers are now wary of the third coworker, and the imposer still did not get to find out what their conversation entailed.
Think about your intentions before approaching others. If it is not give and take, on a more or less equal basis, then think again about coming up to another so as to avoid a potential conflict.
How often have you heard or been told to “ignore an aggressor as they are just bothering you to get a reaction?” If you’ve tried this approach, did it work out? If not, why do you think that is?
Some enjoy taking out their aggression on others – reaction or not – and only respond to either this same type of behavior or authority. Some also like to work on another so that they will ultimately snap after enduring subtle or not so subtle aggression for a period of time. Others just don’t care, while many others are not aware that their behavior is aggressive.
A reaction that many on the receiving end often think is the only option is to face these aggressors. While this can help, this should be done after carefully assessing the situation. Have you viewed the situation from all sides? Do you have the support of others so that when you confront, the aggressor will neither deny their behavior nor react violently? Have you written down what the aggressors have done, the dates, how long it’s been? Are there other options?
There are. Brāv was meant to solve dicey situations. In lieu of enduring possibly years of aggression or confronting another which escalates to physical or mental anguish, Brāv is the alternative, healthy medium. Using a platform where an ordinary person can help come up with a compromise between you and an aggressor(s) is not only safe, but practical and there is accountability as others are well aware of the situation and intend to find an actual compromise fitting to the unique situation.
Watching today’s TV shows and movies including, “Breaking Bad,” “Dexter,” and “Mean Girls,” it would be hard not to see a pattern in the central themes. Each display fallible heroes. Each display utilizing illicit tactics in order to win. And we love them, not in spite of these flaws, but because of these flaws.
Think about it. Many of us enjoy watching what is most unbelievable to us in real life: the killing, the stealing, the ruining of others’ lives. Most of us probably would not be as extreme in our own lives, but we cannot deny the amount of inspiration we take from observing others – even if it’s fiction.
Similarly, many complain about co-workers on the job stealing their ideas and taking credit, or peers getting harassed when no one is around and other strategic ways to get over on another – without any remorse. Where are we getting these ideas? Why do many of us think that this is acceptable behavior?
While most of us know to separate media from reality, we still can’t help to secretly glorify many of the ill advised behaviors of our T.V. heroes.
Instead, we need to carefully think about why their behaviors are something we constantly celebrate and wish to emulate – either in full effect…or even just in our heads. Problems can only end if we really face them.
Let’s get this straight. No one should be proud to be a bully. No one really is. (I’ll explain later).
In fact, no one should be even labeled a bully…for a few reasons. 1. Labels are offensive; no one likes that, especially when the labeled bully feels that they are actually the victim. 2. Calling someone a bully may make them want to live up to this title even more. 3. Bullies are often not proud, in fact, there is a lot of research that suggest that bullies may lash out due to not being proud…of themselves…of their personal lives…or other aspects of their lives in which they have little control over.
We’d like to change that, but for now, people are labeled bullies, and bullies can get in trouble. Brāv wants to help them too. Specifically, help them find an alternative to getting punished, be it kicked out of school, fired on the job, or publicly shamed, among others. How amazing would it be if every so called bully sought out Brāv to speak to those that they are in conflict with instead of all the horrible consequences above? Particularly if it’s a simple misunderstanding that ended up escalating.
We need to change the way we view others, label others and treat others. Brāv could get us a bit closer.
Brāv happens when we least expect it and also when we consciously plan it. Let me explain. My own experiences with being brāv make me smile in triumph…but also hang my head low in shame.
What do I mean? We all experience conflicts in regular life, whether we are the least confrontational person we know or those feening for a fight at every corner. No matter what, we just can’t get away from misunderstandings, accidents, and arguments. Not. Gonna. Happen.
What we often do avoid is finding real solutions to these everyday issues. Instead, we replay them in our heads over and over again, thinking of what was said or done, and how we could have responded differently. That is almost as bad as living out the experience the first time. Brāv was created to combat this.
We want you to use Brāv in order to free yourself from these mental disturbances, free others too, and make the world a bit more peaceful. After all, what is it to be brāv if everyone else plays a coward?