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Parenting Question Asked Today

“Why is it when I talk to my parents about my life they make it about my sister, compare me to her, and hurt me so deeply?”

Buddy’s Point to Ponder:

One constant problem parents project to their children is the one you describe. Comparison creates controversy leading to conflict. Many points apply here. As a father of four who is also a great-grandfather already, I think some practical reason should work here.

One, there is NO better or worse, only different. Goodness knows my children ended up on all four points of the compass. I thank the good Lord for that reality daily.

Two, Choice Theory shows us we control only one person, ourselves. Parents are horrible at understanding that. They typically stack comparison on top of expectations (their expectations). You only answer to one person-yourself.

Three, parents constantly but subconsciously rate their parenting on their children’s accomplishments. Note to all parents. That is “Stupidity” personified. Worry about your world and your accomplishments. Love and support unconditionally, otherwise a concept called complimentary schismogenesis will creep into your world. This concept says the more you push someone one way, the harder they will go down a different path. Try exhibiting some curiosity about each child as an individual and support their choices. That is REAL parenting.

Tell them they are causing you this level of pain. Tell them you love them, but you are going to follow your heart, and they should support that and stop comparing, which is very disruptive to family dynamics in general. If all else fails, ignore them and seek activities that allow you to grow as a confident, self-directed person who embraces competing with only your self and your goals. Blessings on your journey, and all the luck.

For more on parenting dynamics, contact buddy at for access to parenting dynamics classes.

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